The Magic and Miracles of Marriage

F= inding The Magic and Miracles of Marriage

by Pr. Pete Bruno, = PO Box 684, Glendive, MT 59330<= o:p>

In this age when so many se= arch for magic and miracles in places where there are none — for example, = in Astrology which is based on the earth being the center of the solar system = and universe — it is mind boggling that so few search for miracles where = they actually exist. Until we remember: the Truth does appear as foolishness to = the unbeliever.

At first the truths I am going to share may seem complicated. But if you belie= ve in God as your Creator and as the One who completely loves you:

(= insert your name), _____________________________________

the One who loves you so mu= ch He gave up His totally blameless Son, His favorite Son, for you, for your complete and personal Ransom, paid the full price to release you from the captivity of sin and selfishness, exchanged His Son for you, so you are seen pure and blameless, then you can ‘get’ these great & simple truths.

The miracles of marriage all come to us from the Bible and biblical scholars. If you judge the best as b= eing the most quoted, the most imitated, and the most plagiarized, the Bible and= Dr. Ed Wheat's book Love Life are t= he best. Don't let the title Love Life= throw you. The book is only a little about sex but a whole lot about love — life long love. Before Dr. Wheat went on to = Medical School, he was a math major in college. As you may know, math majors are usually not people-persons. Thus it is no surprise to us that Dr. Wheat began to have problems.

But Dr. Wheat turned to Chr= ist and the Bible for answers and became one of the most important marriage exp= erts in the USA. He found Christ's answers about marriage and divorce are right from God's w= ill for man and woman from the beginning of time, from the time of Creation.

Fact: God wants us to be together because it is not good for us to be alone. We were designed for satisfying companionship to and for one another. “Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone...’” (Gen. 2:18)

Fact: Adam was not playing = the part of the detached, scientific observer when he saw Eve and said, “= bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh.” In the slang of his time, what he rea= lly said is “wow”. Something like, “WOW, What a doll, she’s the one for me!”

Fact: God intends for our relationships to grow beyond this attraction and need-getting to a caring a= nd need-meeting love. This progression is well expressed in the most romantic = true story ever written: the Song of Solomon right in the Bible. Here you will see Shulamith progre= ss from the “He is mine” (2:16) point of view to “I am= my beloved’s” (7:10) viewpoint. This growth is one of the mira= cles of love that only fully happens in a Christ-centered marriage where love is completely given by both the husband and the wife.

To achieve this deep and wh= ole love, God requires our undivided loyalty to each other. Our jobs, parents, = or children can never take complete or real priority over our relationship with each other. This is why God calls us to “leave and cleave.” As = the Bible puts it, “For this caus= e a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” (Gen. 2:24 NASB)<= /p>

This means one leaves his parents and is glued to his spouse. While we may never completely leave our parents, or totally ignore our children, we must never give our parents the priority or importance we once did. We must communicate in clear words and strong actions that even though our children are incredibly important, our spouse is even more important.

Now they and everything and everyone else should always come a distant second to our mate. In this rega= rd, Gary Smalley tells this story on himself and his wife Norma when they lived near good fishing. Every Saturday he’d want to go trout fishing ̵= 2; until one day Norma cried, “Everything is more important to you than = I am — even a trout!”

God wants us to completely accept each other: each other's job, personality, and even quirks. A bride = who will not accept her groom’s work is outside of God’s plan ̵= 2; but so is a man who will not accept his wife’s emotional needs for his time and listening ears. A husband who thinks only of his needs is complete= ly outside God’s plan — just as is a wife who tries to rule her husband.

God's plan is one of mutual= sacrifice, submission, and surrender. Did you think I was going to say respect? Mutual respect is a good idea but it doesn’t go far enough! The Bible calls = for each of us to submit to one another, to give ourselves and our selfishness = up: “But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. = Husbands, love your wives, just as Chr= ist also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; (Eph 5:24-25 NASB). =

On the other hand, we have = been completely mislead if we think our love in marriage should want nothing in return. At best such a statement is only 20% true. According to Dr. Wheat’s biblical research, God created five types of married love in us — only one of which wants nothing in return. The other four want themselves in response from the one = they love.

1. Lust or passion. As= men we are designed to desire and be satisfied with our wife's breasts (literal= ly, nipples). Check it out, study up on Proverbs 5:19 “Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her brea= sts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.”= ; (KJV)

D= r. Wheat writes, “You must aim for a positive sexual relationship with y= our mate. To do this you will need three things: (1) correct medical informatio= n; (2) a biblical understanding of sex that dispels false fears and inhibition= s; (3) the right personal approach to sexual lovemaking in your own marriage.”

{&nb= sp;     In regard to correct sex knowledge, Dr. Wheat writes, “No one should expect to be a natural-born expert! You owe it= to yourself and your partner to get fully informed. There is no reason why you= can not be a great lover.” He then refers to good books (not pornography!) including his Intended for Pleasure= as the source of that knowledge.

{&nb= sp;     In regard to the biblical view of sex, Dr. Whe= at refers to Hebrews 13:4 where married sex is “honorable.” He goes further, “Each has an equal right to the other’s body. The wife’s body now belongs to the husband. The husband’s body now belongs to the wife. This means we are to love our mate’s body and ca= re for it as our own. Thus unreasonable demands are totally excluded.” <= /span>However, “we must not cheat our partner by abstaining from the habit of sex, except by mutual consent for a brief period of time. Why? Because we will surely open our marriage to satanic temptations.”
{&nb= sp;     And in regard to the right approach, Dr. Wheat writes, “Begin by looking on sex in your marriage as an opportunity f= or genuine lovemaking (the making or building of love) through giving and receiving in ways that are physically and emotionally satisfying for both of you.” He then cautions = men, “Women fantasize romance —not just sex —more than anything else, and most often a romantic interlude with their own husband. Husband, = your wife needs a romantic prelude to sexual intercourse. You may not realize how much your wife desires this or what it means to her. Women must be aroused emotionally as well as physically.”

Note: This male-female difference in sexual arousal is what Gary Smalley is talking about when he = says a man is like a Microwave and a woman is like a Crock pot. (However, research shows that male= s also enjoy sex much more strongly when they experience 20 minutes of foreplay to= o.)

2. Romantic Love. The = thrill of being beloved and being treated special while at the same time treating = the other as special. Like the man who went to a marriage seminar, you too can = get really excited about sharing this kind of love again. In fact, once a man ‘gets’ the importance of this in his life, he tends to enjoy giving it even more than a woman d= oes.

3. Phileo or Brotherly Love. Friendship and kindness, being each other’s best friend, sharing each other’s interests — even if at first you've got to learn to be interested in things like School Board Meetings, golf, or hunting.

4. Storge or Comforting Love. That comfortable easy-shoe feeling of safety, protection, and the two of you together against the world whatever may come — always being on the sa= me team, no matter what.

5. Agape or Godly Love= . To love unconditionally without expecting or even strongly hoping for something in return, to love just bec= ause God loves me and therefore I love you too.

The exact same type of love= God has for us whether we respond right now or not — but put into human f= orm and visible action.

Like the little girl who was frightened one night by the bright flashes of lightening and the loud booms= of thunder, as much as she believed in God’s love, she said to her fathe= r, “It sure is nice to have a hug from someone with their skin still on.”

We have been very much misl= ead if we believe the goal in marriage is to strive for agape love only. In a g= reat marriage we strive for all five types of love daily (nearly continually).

Turning our attention to the principles of Marriage Encounter, we see another miracle of marriage is found in Jesus’ first action in His ministry when His mother ask Him to help at a wedding.

Read John 2:1-12.

Now consider: In your marri= age you can be the water. You can be the element submitted to Jesus for transformation. Will you? What changes will Jesus make in you if you present yourself to Him to be changed. Think on this a moment, and write your answer here:

___________________________= ____________________________

___________________________= ____________________________

___________________________= ____________________________

God will inwardly transform= you by your relationship with Him through Jesus, and He will work outside of you against the enemies of marriage and respond to your prayers for a strong and enjoyable marriage.

Perhaps I have saved telling you about the best miracle. You be the judge. When we marry and include God= in our marriage by inviting Him into it (as well as our individual hearts), He comes power-fully into the being of our marriage union as well. =

The math is 1+1+1 makes a w= hole one.

Our Catholic friends refer = to this effect as the Sacrament of Marriage by which they mean a Christ-filled marriage is one of the visible expressions of Christ’s invisible love. Marriage as a visible expression of the invisible love of Christ is reflect= ed in these three biblical concepts:

1. The “treasure hidden̶= 1; spoken of in Matthew 13:44; the = 220;One in your midst you do not know” in John 1:26.

“The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in the fie= ld, which a man found and hid; and from joy over it he goes and sells all that = he has, and buys that field.”

“John answered them saying, ‘I baptize in water, but among you stands One whom you do not know.’”<= /i>

The hidden treasure we have= as Christians is also reflected in Dr. Conwell’s true story called Acres of Diamonds in which a man s= old his land to go look for diamonds, and his land had diamonds lying all over = it, including the Hope Diamond. This Hallmark booklet is recommended.

2. The importance of marria= ge is reflected in Christ reaffirming God’s view of marriage. It is equated with Christ’s love relati= onship with His church. (Ephesians 5:22-32)

3. The fact is that a good marriage is missionary in its impact; it is a witness or evidence to the world of what Christ can and wil= l do in the hearts and lives of two people who love Him so much and also love ea= ch other – Christ in the flesh.

The miracles of marriage wh= ich flow from Christ in it are called the Graces of Marriage. They include:

w&nb= sp;    Healing — only a Christ-included marriage completely heals our past wounds from the selfishness of our own and others flesh, and heals us of our present selfishness.

w&nb= sp;    Forgiveness — only in a Christ-centered marriage can we find the power to both actually forgive and forget, to choo= se to forgive, control our minds and actions to forget, and have our minds ren= ewed to find our love for each other again.

w&nb= sp;    Unity — only a Christ-included relations= hip brings us into the position where we can solve anything and everything together.

w&nb= sp;    Parenthood — only a personal Christ-cont= act makes it possible for us to completely separate our anger from our children= and be better parents and partners in child rearing.

w&nb= sp;    Sanctification — Christ in us makes each= of us the hand of God to each other. We become as though saints as we witness Christ’s love and will to each other. For example, we make better decisions about spending money by waiting for God to let each of us know the same thing to do.

w&nb= sp;    Apostolicity — Christ in our marriage is= a witness and message to the world about what Christ can do to us, for us, and through us.

For these Graces or miracles of marriage to be realized,= for them to take form and substance, and be actual we must:
w&nb= sp;    Know they are there — know them as real = and no longer hidden.

w&nb= sp;    Communicate them to each other within the cont= ext of the intimacy between us as man and wife being of primary importance to u= s.

w&nb= sp;    Choose to live a purifying life. Be a quitter. Quit drinking, pornography, and any addiction or behavior that your mate or minister says takes away from a great relationship.

w&nb= sp;    Believe spiritually. Live life based on faith, hope, and love. Pray. Constantly help each other to remove all hindrances to Jesus growing with in us. Clean up our love act so the other has the safety= and room to grow.

Perhaps the idea of shared sainthood is new to you — a saintly marriage instead of just two saints who happen to = be married. The idea is that as a couple we have an extra dimension to our liv= es that singles don’t have — one united heart and soul, the Christ-church in miniature, love and holiness for two — something the world desperately needs to see: two very opposite male-female people who:

w&nb= sp;    help each other to improve
w&nb= sp;    tackle all problems together=

w&nb= sp;    continually re-express the “Yes” of their wedding

w&nb= sp;    are intimate with Christ together (pray togeth= er)

w&nb= sp;    look for wholesome purity in and by their marr= iage

w&nb= sp;    love each other personally and totally, even to the point of self-sacrifice (e.g. giving up what you want for what’s best)

w&nb= sp;    love each other so much that the other person looses all spots, stains and wrinkles

w&nb= sp;    love Christ and each other so much that both a= im for the deepest possible spiritual life together

w&nb= sp;    are of good disposition and open to ChristR= 17;s gracefulness

w&nb= sp;    understand the love-gift is only for them both together.

The miracle of marriage is possible only because:

w&nb= sp;    God’s grace makes it possible for us to = live happily together in all circumstances

w&nb= sp;    marriage is a Christian vocation & a pathw= ay to God

w&nb= sp;    when Christ is in a marriage, it at all times = and places shows the world the Gospel & faithfulness.

Remember, a married person = will have no witness of the Gospel if he is negligent in fulfilling his marriage partner. On the other hand, when we do fulfill each other, other couples wi= ll marry, stay together, and have children because of us.

Simply stated, God has alwa= ys had a plan for your marriage. For that plan to be realized and enjoyed (and it will be joyous beyond human imagination), you must both live by the Golden Rule of Marriage: “All that promotes unity is with in God’s plan for our marriage. All that endangers or disrupts our unity is outside = of God’s plan for our marriage.”

No discussion of marriage w= ould be complete without some practical, how-to advice, some ideas on how we can participate in God’s plan. Thus we return to chapter 13 of Dr. Wheat’s Love Life and a p= attern for expressing love: the B-E-S-T principle. Note: you must do all four of t= hese things to have a great marriage — and I believe you want the joy of a great marriage.

B is for Bless. We bless by speaking well of our mate, both to them and to others, no matter how they speak to us. We bless by “bestowing practical benefits upon” and by “doing kind th= ings for” them. We bless by expressing and showing appreciation and thank-fulness to them. We bless by “calling down God’s favor in prayer” upon them.

The rule is, “No matt= er how your partner treats you, blessing should be your response.”<= /o:p>

E is for edify. We edify by building and cheering each other up. As we improve each other’s self-esteem we also increase the= ir capacity to love. As Romans 14:19 suggests, “aim for and eagerly purs= ue what makes for harmony and for mutual upbuilding of one another.” (Amplified version) The husband edifies by praising, nourishing, and cherishing — he never criticizes her; he especially avoids even hinting at criticism in areas whe= re she feels insecure or vulnerable. The wife edifies her husband by her loving response to him, by her respect, admiration, awe, adoration, reverence, and deep love of him as a f= ull time job — in brief, she helps him feel his own competence and expres= ses appreciation for his man-hood. Both edify by expressing “encouragemen= t by word, by focused attention, by eye contact, and by loving touch.”